The hookup culture was basically invented by the gay community. Even though this is true, it doesn’t mean that it makes it any easier for many gay people out there. We are not all the same, some of us naturally “fit in” with the hookup culture while some struggle with it, but would like to try it and see what it’s about.
I know how difficult this can be because I was in the same situation, but today I can give you some valuable tips that can help you go through this more easily and, hopefully, get what you need. Bear in mind that there are some dangers to hooking up, especially online, but you need to take the necessary precautions yourself to make sure you don’t get into any trouble.
So, let’s start.
1. Making everything clear with yourself
The first thing you need to do when thinking about doing this is to get everything sorted out in your head. First of all, if you think that hookups are wrong, you have to get this notion out of your head or it will never work out. On the other hand, some people are simply anxious and scared when considering hooking up for the first time.
This is completely normal and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. The important thing is to keep it simple when having that inner dialogue. Do you want to have sex with a stranger? Are you feeling lonely? Are you tired of committed relationships and you would like to take a break?
If the answer to these questions is “Yes”, then you should go through with it. Remember that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to hookups, and if you find yourself or someone else judging you, then you must ignore those voices.
2. Switch yourself to non-emotional mode
Maybe you read something online or heard good stories about the hookup culture but in reality, it’s much different than others present it to be. Simply put, people like to ignore the negative sides and after living this kind of lifestyle for a while, they simply get used to these things. However, for beginners, they could be devastating.
Since you are new to all of this, chances are that you are used to approaching your sexual relationships with a dose of emotion, which can be dangerous for you when hooking up. You will instantly see that there are a lot of superficial people out there.
If you use gay dating sites or apps, you will find people that are only interested in how big your penis or breasts are, they won’t care what your name is, where you come from, or what you like. In a lot of cases, there will be shallow conversations – you need to prepare yourself for this and approach thing with no emotions.
3. You will have to be forward
With hookups and dating apps for gays, in a lot of cases, there is no beating around the bush. You can expect to get a text where someone simply says “Hi” to you, followed with a completely nude picture. This is nothing surprising and it happens very often. This shows you how forward people are in these circles and you will have to get used to this, as well as adopt these principles.
Here there is no room to be shy, and everything happens fast. Sure, there will be those that will like the fact that you are shy, but at the end of the day, most of them will think that there is something wrong with you. When people send you a nude, they will expect one in return.
These are the rules of the game and nobody wants to wait. If you are wasting someone’s time, they will simply look for someone else. This might look insensitive but in the hookup culture these are the rules and nobody expects any emotions.
4. Don’t compare yourself to other people
A lot of us start hooking up because we hear stories from our friends. Through these stories, we create a certain image about how things go in this world and we have certain expectations. We hear about the good times people had and how easy it was for them. However, once you start doing this, it won’t be that easy because it takes time to get to know how things work.
In these moments, you might think of something like: “How did they do it but I can’t?” Don’t do this. Comparing yourself to far more experienced people is simply not fair. On the other hand, people will usually tell you the stories that you want to hear, and not the troubles they went through.
At the same time, don’t compare yourself to people that you meet on dating sites and apps. We are all different after all, so find how you fit in and do it your way, don’t try to be the same as someone else.
5. Don’t send nudes where you face shows
When chatting with strangers and things get hot, you will definitively exchange nudes and sexy images. Whenever you do this, avoid sending pics that have your face showing clearly. This exposes you to complete strangers where they can embarrass you or even blackmail you, especially if you are not openly gay or you live in a place where gays aren’t completely accepted.
Of course, hookups are for experimenting and going wild, but it doesn’t mean that you should put yourself at risk. The only scenario in which you can send these kinds of pics is when you chatting to a person that you know and have established trust with. In these situations, if they send you one with their face showing, you can do it too.
This means that they trust you but also that there will be less of a chance of them abusing your trust as you can harm them as well. On top of that, this is the only way to know that they are, in fact, sending you their real pictures, as you know what they look like.
In the end, remember to be careful and don’t rush things. Try to communicate with a person for a while before you actually meet. You need to learn about them a bit and see what they are like. Also, make sure that you meet in a public place, just to be safe.